Let’s Talk About Break Ups: Embracing Them, Understanding Them, Growing From Them

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Guess what happens around Valentine’s Day besides love, lingerie and romantic dinners?

People. Break. Up. And people hurt! This holiday can sometimes serve as a reminder of what we don’t have. 

At any point of the year, whether you are the one doing the breaking-up, or it’s happening to you, this is an opportunity to “break up properly” and to use the situation to leave unhealthy habits and feelings behind. 

If you don’t, there is a good chance that the same issues that made the relationship fail will come back up in future relationships.

So whether you are feeling nostalgia, happiness, sadness, shame, agony, or even freedom, why not explore how to better manage these feelings and to heal them, rather than avoid and prolong them? 

By not dealing with our break up and understanding why it happened or how it’s left us feeling, we allow it to resurface and to recycle in future relationships. While time is certainly a great healer in itself, let’s take some responsibility for the rest. After all, the best way out is definitely through. 

How to use your post break up time wisely:

  1. Feel the damn feelings. Write them out, cry them out, talk them out. This is one of those life things that is supposed to hurt, so let’s allow nature to take its course. Chances are, someone in an old support system or new one is waiting with open ears to help process through them. 
  2. Avoid toxic behaviors (like sending that text to your ex), and implement healthier ones. Writing a letter in your journal to your ex will allow you to spot some things that you didn’t see before. Or, visiting a yoga class or the gym can help with some of that restless energy. Don’t forget to minimize reminders of our ex, and to not obsess over past TimeHop or Facebook photos- it ain’t worth it. 
  3. Find yourself again outside of this past relationship. You don’t have to delete this person from your life- chances are, they’ve brought a little good your way. However, we have several things associated with our partners and that don’t go away overnight. Now may be a great opportunity to explore a new favorite playlist, movie and restaurant to find yourself again outside of this past relationship.
  4. Take Time to Reflect. Take some time to reflect on what version of yourself you were in this relationship, what role it played in your life, why it ended and then some. Let’s take this opportunity to understand ourselves and our patterns a little bit better. You don’t have to find the silver lining or make lemons into lemonade, but be able to answer the question, “What did you learn?”

Therapy is a great place to learn what healthy healing can look like and for that extra supportive boost each week. Reach out to us at contact@villageinstitute.com. Want to research more on your own time? Find more on healthy lifestyle, relationships and mental health on our blog page www.villageinstitute.com/blog/ .

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